Is Your Child Anxious?
February 2019. Son trips while walking to school. No wounds. Unexplained massive tears. Teacher tells me my son is newly struggling to talk in class. I notice an uptick in stutter. Me? Explained massive tears.
February 2020. After using the word COOL to describe himself in his star of the week poster, son marches himself to school. Me? Explained massive tears OF JOY.
What changed? How did we get to today? Looking back, I think/hope the following made a difference.
"The higher the anxiety in a person, the longer the runway (preparation) needs to be for a successful takeoff (easy transition to a new event)."
Our parenting coach/therapist/angel (all titles are appropriate) gifted us this straightforward analogy. Some children are like helicopters. They just get up and go. No runway required. Other children are like 747s requiring miles for takeoff. We were a 747.
When I asked what success would look like, she went back to the analogy. A shortened runway.
HOW DID WE SHORTEN THE RUNWAY?
ON THE CALENDAR
Each month (usually a few days late), I create an easy to follow, on the wall, paper calendar for my reader and almost reader. Knowing chess is played Mondays and baseball swings on Saturdays calms my son’s anxious mind. Shocking? Not so much. Kids are mini-mes. I feel better when I have a clue what’s going on. Don't you?
Not super artistic? Google “how to draw a chess piece, an airplane, a book”. You would laugh at my search history for these things. Explain your (attempt at) symbols to your child. They will get it. Have older kids who like to draw? Encourage them to make their own calendar.
TRACKING TIME
Grant unearthed a watch in Elliott’s nightstand and wore it obsessively. I thought it was a cute phase (a la the mood necklace of 2018) until I realized what a powerful tool this was for him. The watch puts him in control of his time. He knows when an activity starts and calculates when we need to leave. I’ll randomly ask him the time making him feel helpful and knowledgeable.
We upgraded to a FitBit and his attentive care of this device shows me just how important it is to him. Can you imagine never knowing what time it is? Right.
MOVE THE BODY
Before school, playing this game (something he loves and is good at) gave him an early dose of endorphins and confidence. Before summer camp, a round of monkey bars at the camp location provided the same boost. I feel better once I have moved. No surprise that he does too.
Looking back, I realize the calendar, the watch, and the morning games were silently working together, contributing to this shift. They weren't just cute on the wall or fun to play. They were and continue to be, life changing tools for him and for us.
His runway keeps getting shorter and shorter. His anxiety keeps getting less and less. Bravo. Bravo!!!
***Disclaimer – I am 100% not a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. Above is what has worked for our family and I share in hopes it helps one of you.***